Monday, May 9, 2011

Mother’s Day

I have read lots of blogs today, and I have to admit, it seems as if my thoughts on Mother’s Day aren’t “mainstream”.

See, I don’t really like Mother’s Day….I even kinda dread it a little. Two years ago our area suffered a big storm and so in a last-minute-let’s-get-outta-here decision, Jeff and I loaded up the kids and headed North…headed to my parents home to spend the weekend while our entire area was without electricity.

As strange luck would have it, no sooner than we pulled into my parents driveway I got a call from our neighbor that said the power had been restored to our neighborhood. (When we left, it sounded like it could be a week or so, so we were really shocked.)

But, we were there and we spent the weekend with my Mom, Dad, brother and family. It was a nice weekend….it was Mother’s Day….we were all together.

It was the last Mother’s Day I would spend with my Mom.

Because less than 2 months later, she died. She got sick very suddenly…she got worse even quicker, and in less than a week from “not feeling well” she was dead.

And so my issues with Mother’s Day began. I don’t hate Mother’s Day. Really. I don’t. But I don’t really like it all that much either. Mother’s Day is a reminder to me that I can be celebrated, but I have no Mom to celebrate. Now, I know that I can still “celebrate” my Mom even though she is no longer here to celebrate face-to-face. I understand that, but for me, that day is a reminder that she’s gone. She’s gone and I can’t call her up or send a cheesy card or take her to buy flowers to plant in her gardens.

I had a nice day yesterday, in spite of my distaste for it all. Drake made me breakfast in bed. Both kids presented me with awesome cards they had made themselves. Jeff had gotten me a new cover for my cell phone…purple! And then I spent the day planting in my own gardens while Jeff did some laundry and kept the kids alive. Drake and I went to see Thor in the afternoon and then we all met up again for sandwiches at Panera for dinner.

It was a nice day, and many times as I was digging in the dirt I was thinking about my own Mom and the times we shared. I know you’re not supposed to live your life with regrets, but I do regret that I can’t talk to her, hug her, or just see her face smile as she sees her loved ones.

Today is a new day and I’m going to try and push the regrets and sadness back to its spot and live happy. I am most thankful that my husband and kids sense that it’s a strange day for me and they give me the space to spend it in the ways that I need to in order to get through to the end of the day.


Eternal Lizdom said...

My prayer for you is that you would be able to cherish Mother's Day... because of that gift of that wonderful time you had to celebrate your mom before the unforeseen and unexpected future happened.

I hope that you will be able to garden in your mom's honor every Mother's Day. I hope that you will buy yourself the cheesiest card in her memory.

Your feelings are totally valid and shouldn't be discounted. You miss your mom and you should and it's ok.

I just always want you to see her in you and see her in your celebrations.

Rona Kay said...

Ugh...I'm with you here. Mother's Day will never be the same.

I'm sorry. Big Hug, my friend.