Thursday, September 9, 2010

A Reason...A Season...A Lifetime...

Maybe you've seen the e-mail hundreds of times, and maybe you've even stopped to read it. The passage is trying to explain why people come into your lives and what you get out of it. Everyone comes for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.

I want to talk tonight about someone who was in my life for a reason. The passage says that when someone comes into your life for a reason, it's usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. Then, without any wrong doing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die.

Albus Dumbledog was in my life for a reason...let me tell you about him.

The odds were stacked against Albus from the get go. Someone dumped him on the side of the road....quite possibly along with his litter mates. Somehow, against odds, he made his way to the side of the JUST the right time. He made it there just before my beautiful friend Carolyn drove by.

And against even more odds, Carolyn managed to notice him. And Carolyn, being Carolyn stopped and picked up his tiny, dehydrated, seed tick infested body.....and took him home. There she spent many hours picking the seed ticks off of him and nursing him back to health. But, staying with Carolyn was not in the plan for Albus. Albus had another job.

Now, it also just happens that the first day of PreK for my Avery falls at this time. Avery attends PreK with Jack, Carolyn's son. So it is decided that since Carolyn may have some issues leaving her youngest at PreK, I will take her out to breakfast where we will manage to leave our babes for that 2 hours and 45 minutes until we pick them up!

Carolyn and I head to Panera where we drink coffee and talk about things to keep our minds off of having just left the kids at the big kid school! The discussion moves to how Carolyn's hubby isn't too happy with her, as she's picked up a stray and he thinks they are over their pet quota. Well, being a good friend I ask to see a picture of the new pup...Carolyn in her infinite wisdom tells me this is probably not a good idea, because she's pretty sure one look and I'll be hooked.

THAT is how Albus Dumbledog came to be adopted by the Martin family. That was approximately one year ago. Albus came to us at a very difficult time in my life. I had suffered the loss of my nephew, Schuyler in Afghanistan in February. Then on July 4 my Mom suddenly passed away. Depression was weighing heavy on me and I was generally a mess. I probably needed to add a puppy to the mix like I needed a hole in my head....but really, I DID.

Albus needed someone to get up and take him out in the morning. He didn't care if I'd rather sleep until noon...he had to pee. So, it's get your lazy ass outta bed or I'm gonna pee on your shoe.

I usually got up.

Albus needed to be played with. He didn't care if I was depressed and feeling bad. He needed to play. And who, seriously WHO, can not find even a small amount of joy when tossing a ball over and over and over for a faithful dog that keeps bringing it back and seems as excited the 38th time as he was the first time you tossed it?

So, as Albus aged, I got better. And so begins the "here for a reason" explaination. The depression cloud lifted little by little. I couldn't allow myself the luxury of going back to bed every day...I had to get up and keep going. I started working out again...I started getting healthier. I kept feeling better and better.

Before Schuyler was killed we would "talk" on instant messenger. He would ask me about my workout progress and joke about how we could go for a run when he was home on leave. At that point I wouldn't have been able to run to the freezer for ice cream, let alone go for a run with someone. But, Schuyler being Schuyler would bring it up every time we IM'ed. So, after losing him and losing my Mom and then finally getting back on track with exercising, I tried running. It's not pretty, but I do enjoy it.

I think about them a lot when I run, and I think about what their reaction would be to the changes in me. Because of his influence in my exercise I decided that I would register for the 4 mile run in our hometown of Kewanee over Labor Day weekend. To me, that was kinda like coming full circle...

.....I would do that run in Kewanee, where I would've run with Schuyler

.....I feel like my grief process has come full circle and I am finally able to deal with the situation on my own, without any medication to help keep me from getting sucked down into the hole of depression; my final pills would be taken the week before the race

So I went to the race with one goal in mind...finish the race in under an hour. I finished in 46 minutes and some odd seconds. I did it...I ran with Schuyler in Kewanee. I had come full circle and not let that depression take me out of the game.

That was Saturday. On Sunday, I got the phone call.

Albus had gotten loose and gotten hit by a car.

He was gone.

Suddenly, coming full circle was so clear to truly was full circle, and the thing that came into my life to assist me through a difficulty, to aid me physically and emotionally, was gone. Albus had fulfilled his reason.

And just like that...he was gone.

So now begins another grieving process for my family. I miss that lil' bugger like crazy. I miss the wet kiss to the face at 6 am when he wanted to go out and pee. I miss the way he'd lay with the kids until they were asleep and then follow me around room to room waiting for me to go to bed...then...and only then would he go to sleep. I miss the way he "talked" to us. I miss looking out my kitchen window and seeing him running wild, playing with his friends in the neighbor's fenced in yard. I miss so many things about him, and yet I am not sad when I think of him.

I cannot be sad.

I am so thankful that Albus was in my life for that reason. He totally and completely fulfilled his duties. I'm sure he was entitled to a few extra treats upon his arrival home. He brought joy and laughter to our house in a time that I wondered if we'd ever really laugh again. He helped us see the beauty in surviving.

He was a great of the best, and I will miss him every day, but I will not be sad...I will only be thankful and grateful for having such a wonderful dog come into my life and do such an important duty. Thank you, Albus were a wonderful dog and I'll never forget you. Lassie's got nothing on you, little man.


Mossi said...

I know pets aren't people, but they can leave their pawprints on you just like your family leave their footprints. I'm so sorry for all your losses in the past year, but I'm so glad you can see the beautiful side of your time with Albus. I hope another dog is lucky enough to wander into your life again. And thank you.


carolyn said...

We will all miss you Albus.. thank you for coming to us with all your gifts.

And just for the record.. you running is one of the prettiest things those who love you (like me!) have ever seen. You may not see your own grace, my friend, but it is there in neon for the rest of us.

Hugs.. Carolyn

Rona Kay said...

Thanks for sharing, Lori. Your ability to write this and see the reason he was present in your life is further confirmation that he fulfilled his mission.

We'll miss that sweet little, barking, cord-chewing, ball-fetching, bundle of joy.

*sniff, wipe tear*

weaverjk2002 said...

Said with tears and a smile...

*Hail Albus*