It's been a while, so I thought I'd just sit down and type out stuff. I don't have any ONE topic to rag about, so I'm going to just give you the low-down on what's been going on. (like anyone cares)
DYSON TROUBLE
Got back from Vegas only to discover that Jeff was NOT kidding when he said Albus Dumbledog ate my Dyson. Fo'shizzle he sure did. He ate the power cord...well, not so much ATE, but shredded. Found a place in Collinsville that can fix it...coolio. So, I figured I'd borrow my awesome neighbor Mickey's Dyson to tidy up before scrapbooking night.
Craptastic...while I was running the vac in the laundry room, he chewed her cord behind my back. No shit....really....he did. The funniest part was when I had to call the Dyson repair shop in Collinsville. That guy TOTALLY thought I was kidding.
Yesterday (Thursday) was the trip to Collinsville to get them repaired. Now we're back to sucking dirt and taking names here in the 'hood.
THE PERSONAL TRAINER
I joined a gym, hired a trainer, and finally had my assessment with the trainer on Tuesday of last week. I think the trainer thinks fat = dumb and lazy. I'll go for lazy, but not so much of the dumb. And really, on the lazy, not when I'm at the gym. I figure if I drag my fat, lazy ass to the gym I'm making that time worth my while. There could, after all, be a glass (or bottle or whatever) of red wine in my immediate future that needs some pre-burning-off. So we did the first assessment and now I go tomorrow to work out with her. In between "our" sessions she suggested that I do 30 minutes of cardio....15 on the treadmill and 15 on the arc trainer.
Now, being the snarky hag that I am, I said "What about the other 30 minutes". Well, come to find out, she was quite shocked that when I come to the gym (normally 5 times per week) I am working out for an hour. Apparently she was not expecting this type of dedication from me. Let's see how shocked she is tomorrow when I tell her that I made it Wednesday and Friday, both with an hour logged in. She's probably gonna try to kill me tomorrow to see if she can break my spirit. I will not let her win...I will survive!
Actually, she's not that bad, but I really do think she took one look at me and made some assumptions. I think it's fair to say I'm brutally honest, so if I ate a pint of Ben & Jerry's and didn't work out last week, I'd tell ya. I told her that I am completely committed to this new way of eating and exercising like a mad woman to take some of this weight off. My hope is that she shows me some stuff that's gonna help me keep it up and hopefully not drop off the face of the working-out-world in mid-February like all of those other NY Resolution people!
SPECIAL NEEDS
I have an old friend that had her 3rd baby almost a year ago, and this beautiful baby girl was born with Down Syndrome. This little girl is seriously a shining star in my life. She puts things into perspective for me and makes me realize that sometimes you just need to slow down and enjoy the moment.
I have no clue what the day to day life with a Down Syndrome child is like. I talk to Mom and hear her crazy schedule with therapies, appointments, home visits, etc., but I don't get it. I'm not there trying to juggle all of this plus two other kids that have things going on also. From the little bit that I can wrap my brain around, I am amazed. I am humbled. She's a rock star and she doesn't even realize it.
So, in order to help out the rock star a little bit, I gave her coupons for her birthday. These coupons (I had hoped) would help her to feel a little less guilt if she needed an hour or two to herself or whatever. They were "ME TIME" coupons. I specially hand-crafted them myself with a pen and some torn up post-its. That's the kind of high-class friend I am!
Today the rock star called me and asked if she could redeem a coupon. It seems that she needed to get out of "Holland" for a while. Now I had never heard of "Holland" being used as a term for parenting a special needs child, so I had to ask a few weeks ago when it was floating around on her Facebook page. Google "Holland poem" and it will come up. The basic gist is this mom of a special needs child wrote that becoming a parent of a special needs child was like ending up in Holland when you had been planning a trip to Italy. It's interesting how it's written, and I'm sure many people can relate. Like I said....Google it.
So, I took the 2 little girls with me for the afternoon so that Mom could get out of Holland for a few hours. We didn't do anything special, but they ran with me while I did some errands and then we came to my house and played. Here's the thing...if you have a friend who has a child with ANY special needs....give them your TIME. Hell, even if you just have a friend with a newborn or a young child (children).....give them some of your TIME.
I have this theory that ANYONE can do ANYTHING for a small amount of time. I apply this to my life almost daily. For example, I can stay on this arc trainer for 3 more minutes...I can do it. OR....I can watch this child for 2 hours...it is only 2 hours. So, even if it's the most unpleasant 2 hours of my entire day or week, it's ONLY 2 hours. Now, I must say, watching these girls has NEVER been unpleasant, and I'd say that even if the rock star didn't read my blog on occasion!
So, take one for the team...offer up a few hours of your day to someone that could REALLY use a little ME time. Do you know a Mom that has little ones? Offer to go over for a couple of hours so that she can do WHATEVER she wants to. Wanna take a nap? Fine.... Does she want to run to the grocery store with nobody in tow? Fine.... I know a lot of people that get "past" something and never want to go back. But, just for a few hours, go back to diapers and bottles and let someone else escape back to that time that they didn't have to worry about a little someone 24/7! Both of you will come out the better end for it!
AND FINALLY....A PLUG......
Today we had Avery's PreK parent/teacher conference. Jeff and I both went and we were really happy. The teachers had great comments about Avery. Obviously, we, like all parents are sure that our little Avery is totally above average, but today gave us both big heads!
Apparently the teachers evaluate the 3 year olds with the same criteria they use for the 4 and 5 year olds that will be going to Kindergarten in the fall. The teachers obviously do not expect the 3 year olds to excel at this because they have another year of PreK before they embark on Kindergarten. Well, Miss Avery knew almost everything on the sheet, including all of the letters, in both upper and lower case.
Ahhhhhhhhhhh....Yes, that's me.....Mother of the Year.
POP
Did ya hear that? That was my bubble of insanity popping....it was nice while it lasted.
Sadly, I had to admit to the teachers that while I would LOVE to take credit for this child knowing all of these amazing things, it's not me....it's Leap Frog!
More specifically, the Leap Frog Click Start Computer. Miss Avery plays with that and has now learned her letters, how to spell her name, and is now moving on to spelling 3-letter words. As much as I'd like to take credit for her brilliance, it's the computer.
So, if you know of a 3 or 4-year old child and you're looking for a great gift, get one! Avery loves hers and has obviously learned a lot while "playing" with her computer.
Friday, January 29, 2010
Saturday, January 16, 2010
The Snarky Traveler
Public radio may have their savvy traveler, but you, blog readers, have me...the Snarky Traveler. I say snarky because as I traveled home yesterday from Vegas, all kinds of snarky comments kept rolling through my head and occasionally off my tongue.
First, I must admit...I read 2 of Chelsea Handler's books on my trip. I envy the way she just lets it fly sometimes...you know...those comments that go through your mind, but never out of your mouth. Well, Chelsea let's 'em fly...and I really do envy that at times!
So, due to my recent literary experiences I think that my own snarky comment sense was heightened. I can usually be counted on to find something to say pretty frequently, however yesterday I was finding pretty much something to say about everyone and everything...
I don't think I've ever flown US Airways in my life. After this trip, I will avoid them at all costs. I'm pretty confident that US Airways stands not for United States, but something more appropriate for their general attitude...probably Unconcerned Sons-a-bitches or Unhelpful Saps.
Here's my biggest problem with the flight from Vegas to Phoenix...Snarky Traveler complaint #1. Now, before I begin, remember, I am NOT a small girl. I am not one to go around bitching about fat people, being one of them. However, if my ass would not fit into ONE airplane seat, I would have the decency to either keep my fat ass at home, or buy 2 seats in order to not smush the poor person next to me. Honestly, I really would.
Well, not everyone is quite as considerate. This plane was 3 seats, aisle, and 3 more seats. I had the window seat. The man and woman next to me were really big. Again, I'm a FP, so I'm not dissing the Fat People. But these folks were big. Hubby (or boyfriend or whatever) was in the aisle seat. He encroached into about 1/2 of the Missus' seat. So, she then had to take up about 1/2 of my seat.
I boarded the plane almost last because there's really no rush to get on and fight for overhead compartments...HA HA HA...or so I thought. (That's Snarky Traveler complaint #2, so more on that later). Mr. and Mrs. Big were seated by the time I got on board. They had to both get up and let me in. Then, as I was taking my coat off they sat down...I looked back and wondered how I was supposed to wedge MY ass in the small space available after they had sat down.
Honestly...I am not lying here...I squeezed into the seat and then had to wrap my left arm around my body and put my left leg up on my right and lean into the window. Seriously.
Now, one would think that Unfriendly Shits Airways would've said "Perhaps we should move you Mrs. Smushed-against-the window to an open seat or charge Mr. & Mrs. Big for the extra seat clearly needed, but NO. I remained smashed against the window for the entire flight.
On to Snarky Traveler complaint #2...carry on bags and airlines that charge for luggage. Apparently the industry norm now is for airlines to charge $20 and more for each bag you check. I really think this is ridiculous. I mean, you're going somewhere. Don't you need some underwear and a change of clothes? I can see charging for the 2nd and subsequent bags, but the first?
W T F???
Well, here's what's happening. Passengers that are trying to get around the charge are now stuffing the SHIT out of their carry-on bag and avoiding the charge. Unfortunately, these folks are bringing on these filled-to-the-brim bags that are filling up the overhead compartments. So I followed the rules, checked my bag and paid $25. Then I get on the plane and get berated by the Unkind Slob Airways flight attendant for having no place to put my laptop bag and coat. I had already crammed my purse under the seat in front of me. I ended up having to shove my laptop bag under there too, with my purse crammed on top of the laptop. This maneuver gave me NO place for my legs, but that was no problem, because Mrs. Big had me crammed in there so tight I had to put my left leg over my right in order to fit anyway.
Interestingly enough, my laptop bag and coat were moved so that some cheap ass could cram his 87 pound carry-on bag into the bin. N I C E.
After landing in Phoenix, the pilot announces that this plane goes on to St. Louis, but those of you flying on to St. Louis need to get off the plane. Apparently there is something wrong with this plane, so it needs to go into the hanger for repairs and a new plane will be brought out to replace it. This sounds pretty reasonable to me. I went and grabbed a sandwich and then sat by the gate. The plane however, remained at the gate. Service carts came and restocked, fuel truck refueled the bird....and a maintenance truck was doing something.
As we re-boarded, I said to the crew, "I came in on this from Vegas, so I guess you got the problem fixed, huh???"
I was told that a maintenance crew had come over and worked on the plane.
Um, OK, so they FIXED the problem, right?
Again, my question was answered with a statement about maintenance, but never was my question directly answered with something reassuring like, "Yes, the problem has been repaired".
No problems getting to St. Louis, so I guess they fixed the problem.
Once I got to St. Louis I had to go to the Main Terminal (out of security) and get my boarding pass for the Cape Air flight to Marion. This wasn't any big deal, but a minor inconvenience. I got back through security, grabbed some nasty fried rice for dinner and went to the gate. We were told that they were having trouble balancing the weight in the full flight and so we would be a little delayed. Finally, 20 minutes after we should have taken off, the Cape Air lady comes in and says they're going to assign us seating because of the weight balancing. Now, the only seat I don't want to sit in is next to the pilot. Other than that, I'm a happy camper on these small planes. Next to the pilot should be a co-pilot in my opinion, and in case of emergency, you don't want ME sitting next to the pilot. Also, the seat next to the pilot has lots of knobs, dials, buttons, and a steering wheel (or whatever the hell they call it on a plane). Another thing you don't want is me getting jumpy and hitting a button or turning the wheel if I think the pilot took a left when he should've taken a right! I am a horrible back seat driver, so again, not really the gal you want sitting next to the pilot.
Well, as luck would have it, the first name she calls is "Martin". Shit....seriously? You're starting in the back, then right?
"No, ma'am, we're starting in the front. Now for row 2, Someone luckier than you and Another guy that is luckier than you".
Now, this plane holds 11 passengers I think. After the lady lines us all up and explains that under NO circumstances are we to change places and we must sit EXACTLY as she has lined us up, I REALLY start to panic. I have failed to mention until now that it is SERIOUSLY foggy in St. Louis. I mean REALLY FOGGY.
It's time to bargain. "Wait...before we go out, let me just say that I was honest about my weight when asked when I checked in. Now, I am not one to go blabbing my weight, but before we go out, how about if I turn around and holler out my number and just see if any of these nice gentlemen behind me weigh about what I do and then we swap places, 'cause I REALLY do not want to sit in the cockpit."
"Sorry, ma'am, but we've got it all sorted out and we really need to get moving before this weather gets any worse".
OMG...the Candid Camera guys can come out ANY time now. Maybe I'm being Punk'd. Ashton....Ashton????? I am seriously thinking someone is messing with me. I CAN NOT sit up front. It's dark, it's foggy, and I've got a bad hangover. I have been on the verge of vomiting all day and this surely will put me over the edge. Unfortunately all I have on me is a diet coke and no Jack to dump in. A little Jack would've probably soothed my nerves to the point that I wouldn't have been so freaked.
Well, we go out and climb in. I'm so dammed freaked out I can't even figure out how to belt myself in. The frigging pilot had to hook my seat belt. I do 2 things when nervous...fidget and wise crack. Fidgeting seemed like a REALLY bad idea, so my mouth started running.
First I explain to the pilot that I hope he's good to go on this one, 'cause I have to admit I've been drinking heavily all day and the FAA would not be happy with my blood alcohol content. Everyone on the plane laughs, and the pilot smiles and says "I should be good as long as I don't have a heart attack...it's your show if that happens". Cripes....thanks for making me feel SO much better.
Then the pilot does his spiel about exits (while I point them out in my very best flight attendant impersonation), how long the flight will take, blah blah blah. Then I turn around and tell everyone to sit back, relax, and as soon as we get to our cruising altitude I will be serving beverages. Unfortunately all I have is this 1/2 drunk diet coke, but I'll be glad to pass it back and share. Ha ha ha....everyone thinks the copilot is a frigging comedienne. As we're taxiing out, one of the passengers asks me what the in-flight movie will be. (Someones always got to encourage me, right?)
"Well, all I have is my cell phone, but I'm returning from Vegas so there COULD be some interesting footage on there". The passengers all laugh and the guy requests that I just hold it up in the middle so that they can all see...ha ha ha. At this point, I'm pretty sure the pilot was ready to stab himself. A plane full of wise crackers, the biggest one sitting next to him.
OK, time for takeoff...this part was pretty cool...We're sitting there at the end of a really long, really bright corridor of lights. The engines are revving and the whole plane is quivering with excitement...it's ready to roll. Vrrrrrmmmm....off we go. A tad freaky, but I can see what's going on so it's all good. Up in the air we climb...not very far into the climb we hit the fog. Fog and lots of it...thick, mashed potato like fog. Here's where my hungover stomach and I start to have a bit of trouble.
Imagine, if you will, driving in the most freakishly thick fog imaginable. Now imagine that on a very bumpy and rocky road that may or may not be on the side of a mountain. E v e r y instinct in my body was saying "Pull over...we cannot continue forward under these conditions". Finally I just had to sit with my eyes closed and pray that I didn't have to vomit in my very favorite and very big Coach bag.
Finally I felt us leveling off, so I dared to open my eyes. We were now above all of the fog and clouds and I could see stars. Ahhhh....I'm OK again. I actually started to enjoy the ride. That is, until the pilot pulls some kind of manual from under his seat and starts reading it while keeping one hand on the steering wheel. As the flight was a bit turbulent, I was very tempted to help him out and put BOTH of my hands on MY steering wheel located directly in front of me. I wasn't gonna turn it, just hold the damned thing steady for him while he read "Flying By Instruments 101" or whatever the hell he was consulting DURING our flight.
As my luck (or lack thereof) would have it, we ended up back in the clouds and my stomach protested again. Moving forward with zero visibility apparently does something to my brain. I get dizzy and nauseous. I'm sure the dozen or so Coronas from the night before didn't help this brain malfunction, but who's to know for sure.
Once again I am found sitting in the co-pilots seat with my eyes firmly shut, praying that I do not have resort to barfing in my Coach bag.
Now, I recall that during our little banter back on the runway that the pilot did mention that it wasn't cloudy or foggy in Marion, so I am alternating between praying against the vomiting in the Coach option and that we're running out of the cloud cover SOON.
Periodically I open an eye slightly to see if we're still in the white-out or if we've come out of it. Finally, 38 minutes into the flight as I peek out of my right eye I see lights! Woo hoo....lights of towns. I am no longer concerned that we could possibly run this puppy aground, 'cause now I can SEE the ground! We're not going to crash into a mountainside that has miraculously appeared since Monday. I can see what's going on and I like it MUCH better.
Thankfully it's cloudless for the next 6 minutes of our flight, whereby we begin the decent into Marion. I am able to watch and even enjoy the landing. As we taxi up to the terminal I congratulate the pilot on a job well done and tell him that if he needs my help again, just to give me a call. Again, laughs from the peanut gallery behind me.
Next comes the most wonderful part of my vacation............
I walk into the terminal and I hear "Mommmmmmmmyyyyyyy" as 2 adorable kids run to greet me, each with a bouquet in hand! The folks in the terminal "awwwww" at this site. I look up from the embrace of my awesome kids and smile at their equally awesome Daddy.
Dorothy was right......There's no place like HOME!
First, I must admit...I read 2 of Chelsea Handler's books on my trip. I envy the way she just lets it fly sometimes...you know...those comments that go through your mind, but never out of your mouth. Well, Chelsea let's 'em fly...and I really do envy that at times!
So, due to my recent literary experiences I think that my own snarky comment sense was heightened. I can usually be counted on to find something to say pretty frequently, however yesterday I was finding pretty much something to say about everyone and everything...
I don't think I've ever flown US Airways in my life. After this trip, I will avoid them at all costs. I'm pretty confident that US Airways stands not for United States, but something more appropriate for their general attitude...probably Unconcerned Sons-a-bitches or Unhelpful Saps.
Here's my biggest problem with the flight from Vegas to Phoenix...Snarky Traveler complaint #1. Now, before I begin, remember, I am NOT a small girl. I am not one to go around bitching about fat people, being one of them. However, if my ass would not fit into ONE airplane seat, I would have the decency to either keep my fat ass at home, or buy 2 seats in order to not smush the poor person next to me. Honestly, I really would.
Well, not everyone is quite as considerate. This plane was 3 seats, aisle, and 3 more seats. I had the window seat. The man and woman next to me were really big. Again, I'm a FP, so I'm not dissing the Fat People. But these folks were big. Hubby (or boyfriend or whatever) was in the aisle seat. He encroached into about 1/2 of the Missus' seat. So, she then had to take up about 1/2 of my seat.
I boarded the plane almost last because there's really no rush to get on and fight for overhead compartments...HA HA HA...or so I thought. (That's Snarky Traveler complaint #2, so more on that later). Mr. and Mrs. Big were seated by the time I got on board. They had to both get up and let me in. Then, as I was taking my coat off they sat down...I looked back and wondered how I was supposed to wedge MY ass in the small space available after they had sat down.
Honestly...I am not lying here...I squeezed into the seat and then had to wrap my left arm around my body and put my left leg up on my right and lean into the window. Seriously.
Now, one would think that Unfriendly Shits Airways would've said "Perhaps we should move you Mrs. Smushed-against-the window to an open seat or charge Mr. & Mrs. Big for the extra seat clearly needed, but NO. I remained smashed against the window for the entire flight.
On to Snarky Traveler complaint #2...carry on bags and airlines that charge for luggage. Apparently the industry norm now is for airlines to charge $20 and more for each bag you check. I really think this is ridiculous. I mean, you're going somewhere. Don't you need some underwear and a change of clothes? I can see charging for the 2nd and subsequent bags, but the first?
W T F???
Well, here's what's happening. Passengers that are trying to get around the charge are now stuffing the SHIT out of their carry-on bag and avoiding the charge. Unfortunately, these folks are bringing on these filled-to-the-brim bags that are filling up the overhead compartments. So I followed the rules, checked my bag and paid $25. Then I get on the plane and get berated by the Unkind Slob Airways flight attendant for having no place to put my laptop bag and coat. I had already crammed my purse under the seat in front of me. I ended up having to shove my laptop bag under there too, with my purse crammed on top of the laptop. This maneuver gave me NO place for my legs, but that was no problem, because Mrs. Big had me crammed in there so tight I had to put my left leg over my right in order to fit anyway.
Interestingly enough, my laptop bag and coat were moved so that some cheap ass could cram his 87 pound carry-on bag into the bin. N I C E.
After landing in Phoenix, the pilot announces that this plane goes on to St. Louis, but those of you flying on to St. Louis need to get off the plane. Apparently there is something wrong with this plane, so it needs to go into the hanger for repairs and a new plane will be brought out to replace it. This sounds pretty reasonable to me. I went and grabbed a sandwich and then sat by the gate. The plane however, remained at the gate. Service carts came and restocked, fuel truck refueled the bird....and a maintenance truck was doing something.
As we re-boarded, I said to the crew, "I came in on this from Vegas, so I guess you got the problem fixed, huh???"
I was told that a maintenance crew had come over and worked on the plane.
Um, OK, so they FIXED the problem, right?
Again, my question was answered with a statement about maintenance, but never was my question directly answered with something reassuring like, "Yes, the problem has been repaired".
No problems getting to St. Louis, so I guess they fixed the problem.
Once I got to St. Louis I had to go to the Main Terminal (out of security) and get my boarding pass for the Cape Air flight to Marion. This wasn't any big deal, but a minor inconvenience. I got back through security, grabbed some nasty fried rice for dinner and went to the gate. We were told that they were having trouble balancing the weight in the full flight and so we would be a little delayed. Finally, 20 minutes after we should have taken off, the Cape Air lady comes in and says they're going to assign us seating because of the weight balancing. Now, the only seat I don't want to sit in is next to the pilot. Other than that, I'm a happy camper on these small planes. Next to the pilot should be a co-pilot in my opinion, and in case of emergency, you don't want ME sitting next to the pilot. Also, the seat next to the pilot has lots of knobs, dials, buttons, and a steering wheel (or whatever the hell they call it on a plane). Another thing you don't want is me getting jumpy and hitting a button or turning the wheel if I think the pilot took a left when he should've taken a right! I am a horrible back seat driver, so again, not really the gal you want sitting next to the pilot.
Well, as luck would have it, the first name she calls is "Martin". Shit....seriously? You're starting in the back, then right?
"No, ma'am, we're starting in the front. Now for row 2, Someone luckier than you and Another guy that is luckier than you".
Now, this plane holds 11 passengers I think. After the lady lines us all up and explains that under NO circumstances are we to change places and we must sit EXACTLY as she has lined us up, I REALLY start to panic. I have failed to mention until now that it is SERIOUSLY foggy in St. Louis. I mean REALLY FOGGY.
It's time to bargain. "Wait...before we go out, let me just say that I was honest about my weight when asked when I checked in. Now, I am not one to go blabbing my weight, but before we go out, how about if I turn around and holler out my number and just see if any of these nice gentlemen behind me weigh about what I do and then we swap places, 'cause I REALLY do not want to sit in the cockpit."
"Sorry, ma'am, but we've got it all sorted out and we really need to get moving before this weather gets any worse".
OMG...the Candid Camera guys can come out ANY time now. Maybe I'm being Punk'd. Ashton....Ashton????? I am seriously thinking someone is messing with me. I CAN NOT sit up front. It's dark, it's foggy, and I've got a bad hangover. I have been on the verge of vomiting all day and this surely will put me over the edge. Unfortunately all I have on me is a diet coke and no Jack to dump in. A little Jack would've probably soothed my nerves to the point that I wouldn't have been so freaked.
Well, we go out and climb in. I'm so dammed freaked out I can't even figure out how to belt myself in. The frigging pilot had to hook my seat belt. I do 2 things when nervous...fidget and wise crack. Fidgeting seemed like a REALLY bad idea, so my mouth started running.
First I explain to the pilot that I hope he's good to go on this one, 'cause I have to admit I've been drinking heavily all day and the FAA would not be happy with my blood alcohol content. Everyone on the plane laughs, and the pilot smiles and says "I should be good as long as I don't have a heart attack...it's your show if that happens". Cripes....thanks for making me feel SO much better.
Then the pilot does his spiel about exits (while I point them out in my very best flight attendant impersonation), how long the flight will take, blah blah blah. Then I turn around and tell everyone to sit back, relax, and as soon as we get to our cruising altitude I will be serving beverages. Unfortunately all I have is this 1/2 drunk diet coke, but I'll be glad to pass it back and share. Ha ha ha....everyone thinks the copilot is a frigging comedienne. As we're taxiing out, one of the passengers asks me what the in-flight movie will be. (Someones always got to encourage me, right?)
"Well, all I have is my cell phone, but I'm returning from Vegas so there COULD be some interesting footage on there". The passengers all laugh and the guy requests that I just hold it up in the middle so that they can all see...ha ha ha. At this point, I'm pretty sure the pilot was ready to stab himself. A plane full of wise crackers, the biggest one sitting next to him.
OK, time for takeoff...this part was pretty cool...We're sitting there at the end of a really long, really bright corridor of lights. The engines are revving and the whole plane is quivering with excitement...it's ready to roll. Vrrrrrmmmm....off we go. A tad freaky, but I can see what's going on so it's all good. Up in the air we climb...not very far into the climb we hit the fog. Fog and lots of it...thick, mashed potato like fog. Here's where my hungover stomach and I start to have a bit of trouble.
Imagine, if you will, driving in the most freakishly thick fog imaginable. Now imagine that on a very bumpy and rocky road that may or may not be on the side of a mountain. E v e r y instinct in my body was saying "Pull over...we cannot continue forward under these conditions". Finally I just had to sit with my eyes closed and pray that I didn't have to vomit in my very favorite and very big Coach bag.
Finally I felt us leveling off, so I dared to open my eyes. We were now above all of the fog and clouds and I could see stars. Ahhhh....I'm OK again. I actually started to enjoy the ride. That is, until the pilot pulls some kind of manual from under his seat and starts reading it while keeping one hand on the steering wheel. As the flight was a bit turbulent, I was very tempted to help him out and put BOTH of my hands on MY steering wheel located directly in front of me. I wasn't gonna turn it, just hold the damned thing steady for him while he read "Flying By Instruments 101" or whatever the hell he was consulting DURING our flight.
As my luck (or lack thereof) would have it, we ended up back in the clouds and my stomach protested again. Moving forward with zero visibility apparently does something to my brain. I get dizzy and nauseous. I'm sure the dozen or so Coronas from the night before didn't help this brain malfunction, but who's to know for sure.
Once again I am found sitting in the co-pilots seat with my eyes firmly shut, praying that I do not have resort to barfing in my Coach bag.
Now, I recall that during our little banter back on the runway that the pilot did mention that it wasn't cloudy or foggy in Marion, so I am alternating between praying against the vomiting in the Coach option and that we're running out of the cloud cover SOON.
Periodically I open an eye slightly to see if we're still in the white-out or if we've come out of it. Finally, 38 minutes into the flight as I peek out of my right eye I see lights! Woo hoo....lights of towns. I am no longer concerned that we could possibly run this puppy aground, 'cause now I can SEE the ground! We're not going to crash into a mountainside that has miraculously appeared since Monday. I can see what's going on and I like it MUCH better.
Thankfully it's cloudless for the next 6 minutes of our flight, whereby we begin the decent into Marion. I am able to watch and even enjoy the landing. As we taxi up to the terminal I congratulate the pilot on a job well done and tell him that if he needs my help again, just to give me a call. Again, laughs from the peanut gallery behind me.
Next comes the most wonderful part of my vacation............
I walk into the terminal and I hear "Mommmmmmmmyyyyyyy" as 2 adorable kids run to greet me, each with a bouquet in hand! The folks in the terminal "awwwww" at this site. I look up from the embrace of my awesome kids and smile at their equally awesome Daddy.
Dorothy was right......There's no place like HOME!
Monday, January 11, 2010
The Vegas Adventure Begins....
WARNING...this blog contains the occasional f-bomb and other not-so-ladylike words. Should these words offend you, please do not read any further!!!
First stop, Williamson County Regional Airport in Marion to catch my flight to St. Louis. Now, I have not flown out of Marion in a while, and as he's leaving, Jeff mentions that these planes are REALLY small....HUH? You mean small like what we've flown in before, right? No, he snickers, smaller....SEE YA.
So after all of the security screening we get ready to go out and board. The lady says to the guy in the front of the line to go to the front and then the rest of us fill in behind him, front to back. As I climbed in and ducked to avoid konking my head I realized that the poor sap in the front of the line was now sitting NEXT to the pilot. Holy shit...bet he didn't even get a co-pilot's discount.
This thing was tight, folks. I think it seated 11 or something total, and that included the pilot. Now, I am seated in row 3, behind the pilot. As we sit there I think "Hmmm...this is what it must be like to ride in the back row of the minivan" except of course, the pilot in that case is flying down Rt. 13 and not through the air! Now, onto the pilot...
He was a big guy...in fact, had I never seen his face, I would've SWORN he was Big Mike from our TD friends. So, for this blog, I will refer to said pilot as Mike. Well, Mike is pulling on levers and flipping switches and there is more than one occasion that it looks like he struggles and then just gives up.
Oh shit...I am going to die somewhere between here and St. Louis. I normally am not scared of these small planes, but this one was seriously too small for me. I started to imagine that perhaps I should've begged Keith to just fly me. I mean, if I'm going to die in a small plane, at least it should be someone that I KNOW flying the damned thing.
So, I now do something that I rarely do (hate to admit it, but it's true).....I pray. I prayed HARD too. I'm begging God to please spare my family and more heartache and let me get to Vegas safe and sound and have fun and then return home safe and sound and then I'll do all kinds of good things and really be an outstanding human that he can be proud of....PLEASE. PRETTY PLEASE....Remember my kids....they need a Mom!
We taxi to the spot where it's time to rev up and hit the gas. I'm praying.....I'm begging really. When, much to my relief, we have a beautiful, textbook-really, smooth as silk takeoff. Hmmm...perhaps this is not so bad afterall. It's pretty loud, so I whisper a thanks to Jeff to loaned me a pair of earplugs that I stashed in my purse.
Pretty soon it's time for the dreaded descent into St. Louis. Again, I'm feeling a bit nervous as Mike pulls on some levers, flips switches, and prepares as his "co-pilot" watches with fear.
And once again, Mike comes through like a pro....he glided that baby down with barely a bump. SWEET! I can now fly to and from Marion without having a panic attack!
Now it gets interesting....Cape Air, which is the carrier out of Marion, does not have Codeshare with many airlines, including US Airways, which I am flying to Phoenix and then on to Vegas. So, being in the D terminal, I RUN to the A terminal. At security there, the guy tells me I have to go and get a ticket, because Marion only gave me the boarding pass for their leg of the flight. Now I run upstairs and the LOVELY US Airways woman says, "Well, you're too late. You MUST check in 30 minutes before the flight. I will book you on the next flight to Vegas, which leaves St. Louis at 2:40 pm."
FUCK. Sorry, but that's about all I could say. If you're reading this, you know me, and you've seen me. I just frigging RAN.
HELLO.
I R A N.
Mind you, it is about 7:04, and the flight leaves at 7:30.
So, I grab the boarding passes for the 2:40 flight and run again to security. This BITCH in front of me says no, she's not in a hurry, but refuses to let me go ahead of her since I have 5 minutes to spare. Then as she's leisurely getting her stuff from the security bins, I decide enough is enough, so I push her stuff forward and grab my own stuff and try to shove it all into place for my quick exit. Grrrrrrr.....
After making it through security I once again RUN for the gate. Ha ha beyotches....I made it. I made it....I made it. I'm about to have a frigging heart attack, but I made it. Sweeeeeet! Then as I sat there and tried to catch my breath I started worrying....what if me missing the plane was God's way of keeping me safe. Oh SHIT....I ignored my cardinal rule....NEVER run, even if you're being chased by a guy with a gun....
Now I'm starting to panic again. I messed with fate and now fate is gonna kick me in the ass. Ugh...see what I get for running. DAMN. Then, to add insult to injury, the pilot comes over the PA and announces that due to loss of "auxiliary power" they're going to have to fire up an engine at the gate and then hopefully the other one will fire up when we taxi for takeoff. I look out my window and see a dude with jumper cables...now, admittedly they were probably not for starting the plane, but I was a bit irrational at this point.
S H I T
Messed with fate....here we go....careening through the sky to imminent death. And, I don't even have a spare 3 minutes to text Jeff and the kids and profess my undying love and devotion. They already had the "No Electronic" devices light on. S H I T
Well, as luck would have it, this flight also takes off and lands without a hitch. In fact, I even dozed off at one point...not too long though, 'cause I woke myself up with a horribly loud snore! OOPS....sorry to the poor guy sitting next to me!
And so my adventure ends. From Phoenix to Las Vegas there is no interesting news to report. We even landed about 20 minutes early!
Dad and I got checked into the hotel, did a little blackjack playing, had a cheap-ass primerib dinner (and I mean price, not quality) and then did a bit more gambling. I was able to hit the roulette wheel for a while and now I'm $57 ahead. Tonight 11 was a very lucky number, and happens to be my birthday and a number I faithfully play.
What a crazy adventure and day! Since I was up so early I'm off to bed at a decent time and then I will let the fun begin again tomorrow. Thanks to Jeff for making this trip possible and holding down the homefront while I'm away!
First stop, Williamson County Regional Airport in Marion to catch my flight to St. Louis. Now, I have not flown out of Marion in a while, and as he's leaving, Jeff mentions that these planes are REALLY small....HUH? You mean small like what we've flown in before, right? No, he snickers, smaller....SEE YA.
So after all of the security screening we get ready to go out and board. The lady says to the guy in the front of the line to go to the front and then the rest of us fill in behind him, front to back. As I climbed in and ducked to avoid konking my head I realized that the poor sap in the front of the line was now sitting NEXT to the pilot. Holy shit...bet he didn't even get a co-pilot's discount.
This thing was tight, folks. I think it seated 11 or something total, and that included the pilot. Now, I am seated in row 3, behind the pilot. As we sit there I think "Hmmm...this is what it must be like to ride in the back row of the minivan" except of course, the pilot in that case is flying down Rt. 13 and not through the air! Now, onto the pilot...
He was a big guy...in fact, had I never seen his face, I would've SWORN he was Big Mike from our TD friends. So, for this blog, I will refer to said pilot as Mike. Well, Mike is pulling on levers and flipping switches and there is more than one occasion that it looks like he struggles and then just gives up.
Oh shit...I am going to die somewhere between here and St. Louis. I normally am not scared of these small planes, but this one was seriously too small for me. I started to imagine that perhaps I should've begged Keith to just fly me. I mean, if I'm going to die in a small plane, at least it should be someone that I KNOW flying the damned thing.
So, I now do something that I rarely do (hate to admit it, but it's true).....I pray. I prayed HARD too. I'm begging God to please spare my family and more heartache and let me get to Vegas safe and sound and have fun and then return home safe and sound and then I'll do all kinds of good things and really be an outstanding human that he can be proud of....PLEASE. PRETTY PLEASE....Remember my kids....they need a Mom!
We taxi to the spot where it's time to rev up and hit the gas. I'm praying.....I'm begging really. When, much to my relief, we have a beautiful, textbook-really, smooth as silk takeoff. Hmmm...perhaps this is not so bad afterall. It's pretty loud, so I whisper a thanks to Jeff to loaned me a pair of earplugs that I stashed in my purse.
Pretty soon it's time for the dreaded descent into St. Louis. Again, I'm feeling a bit nervous as Mike pulls on some levers, flips switches, and prepares as his "co-pilot" watches with fear.
And once again, Mike comes through like a pro....he glided that baby down with barely a bump. SWEET! I can now fly to and from Marion without having a panic attack!
Now it gets interesting....Cape Air, which is the carrier out of Marion, does not have Codeshare with many airlines, including US Airways, which I am flying to Phoenix and then on to Vegas. So, being in the D terminal, I RUN to the A terminal. At security there, the guy tells me I have to go and get a ticket, because Marion only gave me the boarding pass for their leg of the flight. Now I run upstairs and the LOVELY US Airways woman says, "Well, you're too late. You MUST check in 30 minutes before the flight. I will book you on the next flight to Vegas, which leaves St. Louis at 2:40 pm."
FUCK. Sorry, but that's about all I could say. If you're reading this, you know me, and you've seen me. I just frigging RAN.
HELLO.
I R A N.
Mind you, it is about 7:04, and the flight leaves at 7:30.
So, I grab the boarding passes for the 2:40 flight and run again to security. This BITCH in front of me says no, she's not in a hurry, but refuses to let me go ahead of her since I have 5 minutes to spare. Then as she's leisurely getting her stuff from the security bins, I decide enough is enough, so I push her stuff forward and grab my own stuff and try to shove it all into place for my quick exit. Grrrrrrr.....
After making it through security I once again RUN for the gate. Ha ha beyotches....I made it. I made it....I made it. I'm about to have a frigging heart attack, but I made it. Sweeeeeet! Then as I sat there and tried to catch my breath I started worrying....what if me missing the plane was God's way of keeping me safe. Oh SHIT....I ignored my cardinal rule....NEVER run, even if you're being chased by a guy with a gun....
Now I'm starting to panic again. I messed with fate and now fate is gonna kick me in the ass. Ugh...see what I get for running. DAMN. Then, to add insult to injury, the pilot comes over the PA and announces that due to loss of "auxiliary power" they're going to have to fire up an engine at the gate and then hopefully the other one will fire up when we taxi for takeoff. I look out my window and see a dude with jumper cables...now, admittedly they were probably not for starting the plane, but I was a bit irrational at this point.
S H I T
Messed with fate....here we go....careening through the sky to imminent death. And, I don't even have a spare 3 minutes to text Jeff and the kids and profess my undying love and devotion. They already had the "No Electronic" devices light on. S H I T
Well, as luck would have it, this flight also takes off and lands without a hitch. In fact, I even dozed off at one point...not too long though, 'cause I woke myself up with a horribly loud snore! OOPS....sorry to the poor guy sitting next to me!
And so my adventure ends. From Phoenix to Las Vegas there is no interesting news to report. We even landed about 20 minutes early!
Dad and I got checked into the hotel, did a little blackjack playing, had a cheap-ass primerib dinner (and I mean price, not quality) and then did a bit more gambling. I was able to hit the roulette wheel for a while and now I'm $57 ahead. Tonight 11 was a very lucky number, and happens to be my birthday and a number I faithfully play.
What a crazy adventure and day! Since I was up so early I'm off to bed at a decent time and then I will let the fun begin again tomorrow. Thanks to Jeff for making this trip possible and holding down the homefront while I'm away!
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Clutter Project #1
Today is a snow day, so the kids are home from school. Normally I would not consider this an ideal time to dig into my first decluttering project, but I've never been one to be conventional about stuff and do it the easy way!
So, today I decided that it was time to complete the first project. I have declared this project to the entire blogging world, and if I don't get it done, one (or maybe both) of you is gonna call me out on it! Motivation kicked in! First I took photos of the incriminating evidence...
So, today I decided that it was time to complete the first project. I have declared this project to the entire blogging world, and if I don't get it done, one (or maybe both) of you is gonna call me out on it! Motivation kicked in! First I took photos of the incriminating evidence...
Now, to the untrained eye, these might not look bad to you, but trust me, they were bad. One of the drawers (ok, maybe it was actually 2) was hard to open 'cause there was so much random junk in there.
First I emptied them out completely. Things that belonged in the toy room went into one bin, garbage (and there was a lot of that) went into a shopping bag, and stuff to go back in the drawers went into another pile.
By the time I was done, the shopping bag was FULL of garbage (and it was a big shopping bag) and the bin to go to the toy room was really heavy. It was full of books and legos and all sorts of treasures! The stuff that actually went back into the drawer was minimal. I had Drake and Katrina lug the toy room bin to said room and PUT EVERYTHING AWAY. That makes me happy...they actually did it too!
The shopping bag full of trash went into the garage to the garbage cans. No going through it later and determining something previously declared TRASH was now a treasure to be saved! I went through my magazines and tore out recipes that I wanted to keep and put the rest of the magazines in the recycling bin. (OK....full disclosure here...the pile of magazines is actually right next to me on the dining room table, but as SOON as I'm done, I will carry it out to the recycling bin!)
Then I decided to use the one end table drawers for books and/or magazines that I'm currently using. Bottom drawer is for the phone book.
The other end table is for remotes (which are constantly lost) in the top drawer and dvds and the TV manual in the bottom. Admittedly, the TV manual should be in a file in an organized office, but that's another project for another day people! Baby steps!
The coffee table is for the kids. I like to have those drawers for some of the kids toys so that they have a quick "put away" option. In theory, there should be a periodic emptying of said drawers, and the items would be relocated to their homes in the toy room. However, this has obviously not occurred in the past. Maybe now I'll improve!
Most toys were put back in the toy room, and the remainder were put back into the drawers. There is room for quite a bit of stuff in there, so I only kept some of the things that Avery plays with often upstairs.
So, one organizing project down, many.....MANY to go. Even though it was but a teeny tiny project in the grand scheme of things, it is 6 more drawers organized and cleaned out today that I had yesterday!
I think I'll reward myself now...5 days in Vegas sounds appropriate! HA HA HA!
Saturday, January 2, 2010
Clutter On My Mind
OK, here it is...I am a pack rat. I am NOT a hoarder, but I am a pack rat. I'm not sure of the clinical difference, but I don't have stacks of shit in my house that you have to walk through to get to the bathroom. There are no walls of newspapers or couches made out of cat vomit.
However, I have a couple of problem spots in my house. One is my office. The other major one is my "craft" or "crap" room as Jeff calls it.
My good friend Carolyn revealed something to me this year. When the clutter is gone, my mind is eased. I honestly enjoy the methodical orderliness of a clutter free room.
SO....one of my "projects" for 2010 is to DECLUTTER. Now, I'm not going to get on here and say that my December my entire house will be totally clutter-free and Martha Stewart herself would dine off my floor. However, I will say that I am going to TRY very hard to pick a project each week and get it done.
I will start small at first, because decluttering for me is a bit addictive once I get going. If I start small, with say, maybe a few drawers in a room, then I'm very likely to proceed on to bigger projects (like aforementioned office and craft room).
So, since tomorrow is Sunday I feel that it's important to announce my first decluttering project. I am going to declutter and organize the 6 drawers in the living room this week. There are 2 end tables and one coffee table, each with 2 drawers. Now, if you're neat and clean you're probably going, OH MY GOD...how bad could these drawers be? Well, they are pretty full...mostly of old magazines and toys. By this time next week these 6 drawers will be decluttered, organized, and more functional for the room in which they sit. I will post before and after pictures so that you can see I'm not lying about having a bunch of crap in these drawers!!! (Although, anyone that's actually seen my office or the craft room can vouch for me.)
There's something about ridding my life of the junk and simplifying that frees my mind. Hopefully this little project of mine will help keep me motivated and maybe even cause a few of you to organize a drawer or two!
Lori
However, I have a couple of problem spots in my house. One is my office. The other major one is my "craft" or "crap" room as Jeff calls it.
My good friend Carolyn revealed something to me this year. When the clutter is gone, my mind is eased. I honestly enjoy the methodical orderliness of a clutter free room.
SO....one of my "projects" for 2010 is to DECLUTTER. Now, I'm not going to get on here and say that my December my entire house will be totally clutter-free and Martha Stewart herself would dine off my floor. However, I will say that I am going to TRY very hard to pick a project each week and get it done.
I will start small at first, because decluttering for me is a bit addictive once I get going. If I start small, with say, maybe a few drawers in a room, then I'm very likely to proceed on to bigger projects (like aforementioned office and craft room).
So, since tomorrow is Sunday I feel that it's important to announce my first decluttering project. I am going to declutter and organize the 6 drawers in the living room this week. There are 2 end tables and one coffee table, each with 2 drawers. Now, if you're neat and clean you're probably going, OH MY GOD...how bad could these drawers be? Well, they are pretty full...mostly of old magazines and toys. By this time next week these 6 drawers will be decluttered, organized, and more functional for the room in which they sit. I will post before and after pictures so that you can see I'm not lying about having a bunch of crap in these drawers!!! (Although, anyone that's actually seen my office or the craft room can vouch for me.)
There's something about ridding my life of the junk and simplifying that frees my mind. Hopefully this little project of mine will help keep me motivated and maybe even cause a few of you to organize a drawer or two!
Lori
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)