Never Forget

As another year passes I find myself reflecting more and more on the lives of four honorable men. I think about not only Schuyler Patch, but also of Dan Thompson, Scott Stream, and Brian (Bubba) Bunting. I think of them, the families they left behind to mourn their sacrifice, as well as the men and women they served shoulder to shoulder with on a daily basis.

And in thinking about their brothers and sisters in arms, I began to wonder…how are THEY doing? How are they coping as we approach the two year anniversary of their tragic deaths? Often the focus is on the biological family that a fallen soldier has left behind. But as we should never forget the sacrifice those fallen soldiers and their families have made, we also must not forget those men and women that came home.

Their pain and anger is as real as ours. Many of them were there the day the tragedy occurred. We cannot forget that they watched helplessly as their friends/brothers/comrades perished. They were there.

When I close my eyes and think to the day of February 24, 2009 I remember the call. I remember Amber’s voice and the disbelief in my mind. I remember wanting to scream. I remember contacting my husband; only saying “Sky’s dead…come home now” before running outside to cry (hoping to not wake up the sleeping baby). I remember my phone ringing and seeing my parents’ number…I answered with a choked “Hello” and my Mom said “OK…you know….do you want to talk now or later?”….I choked out “Later…I love you” and hung up. I could not speak….I could only sob and choke back my urge to scream.

And when I relive those memories I find myself wondering this year about the guys out there with them in that convoy. Do they relive that day in their head over and over? Do they have other days with similar tragedy they find in a looping reel through the depths of their mind? I hope not, but sadly, I would imagine that those images creep into their minds, as they do ours. To those brothers who were out there on 2/24/2009, I think of you today also, and the sacrifices that you made on the battlefields. I wish for you peace in your mind and good memories of your friends that will outweigh the tragedies that you have seen. Thank you for your service.

Two years. Two years and the effects of the loss are still fresh. Children are growing up without their Daddy. Wives are moving forward without their husbands at their side. Parents mourn the loss of their baby…their son…their child. A sister copes by making every effort that he is not forgotten. We all inch on, day by day, and try to find our new normal. And yet, the important thing is that we are inching on. Some days more so than others, but we are moving forward. We are living our lives. We are remembering not just the loved one we lost, but all 4 men. We remember them daily and think of their families often.

The loss has taught me many things, but most of all the loss has given me perspective in my life. The silly things that once stressed me out so much now are given the little attention they deserve. I know what is honestly important in my life now and those little things just have to wait. The loss of Schuyler from my life has reminded me that family is so incredibly important and that you’ll never be sorry for expressing your love for someone.

February is so hard…first Schuyler’s birthday on the 17th and then the day he died on the 24th. The 24th doesn’t just represent the 2-year anniversary of his death…it represents the starting of a pain that none of us ever anticipated knowing. It represents a shift in the path our lives would all take…not just for our Patch family, but for the Stream, Bunting, and Thompson families as well. This is a path none of us would’ve chosen for ourselves, and yet here we are. We are all navigating this path as we best can, knowing that what we’re doing is what we can do. Each of us navigate the path in our own way and hope that the others are doing as well or better than ourselves.

So once again, we find ourselves at February 24. Two years ago this world lost 4 brave men, and 4 families lost a treasured member. I love and miss you every day, Schuyler. I hope that you’re in a place where you enjoy endless happiness and can look down and see us from time to time. I hope that you are with Mom and telling colorful jokes and playing pranks. I hope that you know how much we all miss you and that not a single day goes by that we don’t all think about you and wish you were here. And, I hope that you, Scott, Bubba, and Dan can all see that we will NEVER forget.

Never.

IMPERFECT

One of the blogs I regularly read posted a link to a lady, Lisa, who makes jewelry. Her website is www.lisaleonardonline.com. One of the pictures really stood out to me. It was this one:
Now, you may be thinking "Ummm, OK...imperfect...whatever". But, when I first saw that, I saw "I'm perfect".

Then I realized that it said IMPERFECT.

And that's when it hit me. Isn't it really when we take a hard look at ourselves and say "it's ok...I'm not perfect...and that's OK" that we really become perfect? Isn't it in that moment when you let go of the notions of what a "perfect" wife/mom/daughter/sister/friend SHOULD be doing and just accept that you're doing the best you can...isn't THAT when we actually become perfect?

I don't mean perfect in the never-make-a-mistake kind of way. But more the perfect version of your true self way...the here I am, take it or leave it way. I think we spend so much time worrying about what we SHOULD be doing and HOW we should be that we forget that we ARE what we ARE. You make the choices that you make and many times those choices define us. They define our values and show the outside world what is important to us as a person. And what is right for one person can be totally wrong for another.

And THAT'S OK....

Knowing that where you are and what you're doing right now is where you need to be and what you need to be doing....THAT's perfect. Accepting today is perfect.

So, look at yourself and declare yourself IMPERFECT....because you really are PERFECT!

~Lori~

Devastating genetic disorder is taking a little angel - O'Fallon Progress - bnd.com

Devastating genetic disorder is taking a little angel - O'Fallon Progress - bnd.com

READ Friday Fragments FIRST! Then please, please, please read this article!

Friday Fragments

My friend Liz does a blog post every Friday entitled "Friday Fragments". This post is just little bits and pieces of her week. Today, I'm giving it a try.

This week has been emotionally crazy. I've seen and heard things that just make me want to cry...sometimes tears of joy, and sometimes tears of sadness.

First of all, sadness.....

Tay Sachs is a disease that has affected the Rochman family. One of the members of this family, Tric, is a fellow Mom at my kids' school and we have gotten to know one another. Sadly, I didn't know much about Tay Sachs until very recently when Tric posted a link to an article done on her family and sweet Elise. You can read the article at the link below.

**Edit...I can't seem to make the link work...I will try to post it on it's own...sorry...technical difficulties!**

Reading this article really opened my eyes. The situation isn't at all what I had imagined in my mind's eye. Elise wasn't born with an obvious defect or disorder. She was born like both my kids....10 fingers, 10 toes, and appearing like a normal, healthy run-of-the-mill infant. Six months later, everything began to unfold, and their healthy child's future suddenly had a much different and fatal ending. One of the things that Elise's Mom, Kerri, says in the article completely hit my heart.

No one ever teaches you how to raise a dying child.

So, today, as Elise earned her angels wings and left her family behind, I hope that anyone reading will hug their kids a little tighter tonight, read one extra bedtime story, and thank God (or whatever you believe in) that your children are safe tonight. And, while you're at it, educate yourself on Tay Sachs by reading that incredible article, and keep the Rochman family in your thoughts. During times of tragedy and hardship, it is my experience that the people around you can lift you up and keep you moving forward. Keep them in your thoughts.....

Fragment two...(Sorry my "fragments" are so long....)

Yesterday I went to the salon for my second "Brazilian Blowout"....no, not THAT kind of Brazilian! It's a hair straightening and smoothing process! Anyhoo....the salon I go to has a few older stylists that do the "roll and set" on the older gals. The station directly across from me was one of those stations. As I sat there having my "treatment" I saw 3 different ladies come and go.

These ladies were of the generation where you go to the "beauty shop" once per week for a wash, roll, and set. Then next week you do it all over again. The hair in question was both "blue" and sparse....but the skilled stylist was well versed in the ways of the blue hair, and she could transform a sparsely covered head into quite the 'do!

Well, the final patron at the station was watching my process...I was near the end, where the stylist is doing the final blow dry and combing out my now sleek, straight blond locks. I had my head slightly down and eyes closed, yet I heard Miss Daisy say something across from me.

I opened my eyes and looked at her, only to see her moist eyes glistening. I said "I'm sorry, did you say something?", to which she replied "Yes, dear, I said you have the most beautiful hair".

At that moment, I saw my own future....50 years from now, as I near my late 80's, early 90's, my skin will be wrinkled from the experiences of life. My once thick, shiny blond locks will have been reduced to the occasional wisp of hair on my mostly-bare head. And I will sit in a salon of the future gazing at a younger patron and remembering back in the day when I had young kids and a head full of hair.

I'll recall how I didn't appreciate my thick sleek hair and how now I'd give anything to run my fingers through that hair of old and feel the silky strands cascading through my fingers.

As we locked eyes I saw the future in her eyes, and even though there were no "Enjoy it now honey" words spoken, I saw it in her eyes. I smiled at her and told her that I thought her hair was beautiful too. She chuckled and said something about how little there was of it, and I told her that I thought it was beautiful nonetheless.

And I thought in those moments after my gaze fell from hers...when I'm old and my hair starts falling out, I'm going to say "Screw it" and shave my head and buy some big colorful hats. I'll be a crazy hat wearing old lady, and I'll be happy about it!

Fragment 3....end it on a high note........

Before I start, let me just declare.......I LOVE ellipses.........I love them a lot!!!!!!!!!

OK....the high note.

Several weeks ago, Amber (my niece, who's more like my little sister, 'cause she's only 9 years younger than me, and that's how we roll in my family), called me and said she was pretty sure she was pregnant. This, in case anyone is wondering, is a GREAT piece of news. Amber and her husband Brandon have been trying to have another baby for a while now. Amber's brother, Schuyler, was killed in Afghanistan almost 2 years ago. His loss left a huge hole in our family. A new baby would in NO way, shape, or form take his place, but it would be a bright spot and something to rejoice over. We need a bright spot.

So, yesterday I was so happy when she called and said she had had an ultrasound and everything looked fine and she was ready to let the news out. Woo Hoo! I totally suck at keeping a secret, so I was SO glad that I could let it out!

So, tears of joy are being shed for the new baby coming to our family. Amber and Brandon will welcome this new bundle of joy in mid-September. Or, if their boys' births are any indication, late August....she went early with both Logan and Cole. Now, I'd be lying if I said we're not wishing for a girl, 'cause obviously we are, but if she has another boy, we'll all love him too! I can't wait for the "gender confirming" ultrasound because once we have that...well, let the shopping begin, folks!

Two boys will become big brothers and everyone will have a joyful occasion to focus on, instead of sadness. We will gather for a happy occasion. Since 2/2009 most, if not all, of the gatherings have been for a sad occasion, or reflecting on one of those sad occasions. This child will never get to know his/her Uncle Schuyler or Great Grandma Patch, but you can bet this child will have some "Wild Angels" watching over!

Now, go out there and LIVE the weekend....have fun, laugh a lot, and love.....always love.

...and there she goes...

It seems as if 2010 just started and then here we are...done with yet another year. Twelve months...another calendar down....another year gone.

So like many others I have been reflecting a bit on what 2010 meant to me and what I'd like to do differently in 2011. And as such, this post was born.....

The year of 2010 saw much change in not only my physical health, but my emotional health as well. I lost 65 pounds and with those pounds, an immeasurable amount of emotional baggage. I worked through issues from the deaths of Schuyler and my Mom. I discovered that I have more inner strength than I had ever imagined. I developed a closer relationship to many members in my family, especially my niece and my Dad. The loss of so much shifted my perspective on things and helped me to see what things are truly important in my life.

One thing that I have realized is that a "HAPPY" life doesn't mean a life without sadness. I have a "HAPPY" life. I really do. I am happy with where my life has taken me, even if some of those trips have been dark, sad days that I never want to re-live. Those sad times and the happy times have shaped me to who I am today. And I am happy with that person. I see people who talk about the mundane "pains" of their day and it makes me sad. They stress out at the silliest of things. I hate that all I can think of is that if they knew TRUE SADNESS and SORROW then these small things would not be such an inconvenience in their life. Unfortunately it is a lesson that will probably have to be hard learned.

The new year bring the promise of many things for different people, but for me, the new year means much of the same....

...fun times spent with the people I love the most, my family and dear friends
...focus on my physical and emotional health
...energy spent on meaningful things, instead of worrying about stuff that worrying won't change

Yeah, I have specific 2011 goals (resolutions of sorts, you might say) but those I tend to keep more to myself until I have honed the details.

I hope that 2011 is a year where you can gain perspective on the things that are really important in your own life and find a place where you are honestly at peace with who you are.

Happy New Year ~
~Lori~

Happy...

Several times over the past few months I have found myself teary eyed over the strangest things. These weren't times when one would expect to get teary eyed, like someone mentioning my Mom or Schuyler, or even seeing a soldier on the street.

These were times when I was, quite honestly, overcome with happiness. And as strange as it seems, it's been happening more and more. I wonder if maybe going through such a dark and sad place and knowing what that feels like makes the moments of sheer bliss even more dramatic, but nevertheless, I've been crying in public.

The most recent time was Sunday as we sat in the darkened theater watching the live production of The Nutcracker ballet. I looked to my right and saw Drake watching intently...then I looked to my left and saw Avery...completely mesmerized and fascinated at the activity on the stage.

...and my eyes started filling up...

So many seemingly ordinary moments, but yet, so very significant. I'm so thankful that I have these beautiful children, eventhough at times I want to hang them from their toes! I'm so thankful that I have a supportive and understanding husband who always gives me the leeway that I need, but knows when I need him to reel things in and have some family time. I'm thankful for our life...I know it's so-not-politically-correct to be thankful for the STUFF, but I am. I'm thankful that we've been able to work hard and have the home that we have, the wonderful neighbors and friends that we have, and the opportunities that our work has provided to us. Granted, I also think that if we were living somewhere else I would be happy as well, but I'm thankful that life has led us right here....right now.

There's your fair warning...if you see me on the street and see me dabbing at my eyes, I very well may not be crying tears of sadness, but tears of joy, because I am HAPPY....right here....right now.

Soup in a jar!

I posted on Facebook about my "Soups in a Jar" gifts that I had done. We tested both recipes and are PLEASED with the yummy results. People asked, so I am sharing the recipes.












Here is the recipe for the JAR for Italian Tomato and Pasta Soup. The recipe card that you attach to the jar for preparation is after!




The recipe that you attach to the jar is:

1 jar Italian Tomato and Pasta Soup Mix
5 cups water
1 can (28) oz. diced tomatoes
1/2 package (10 oz.) frozen chopped spinach, thawed
4-6 slices crisp-cooked bacon, crumbled

1. Remove cheese packet from jar; set aside.

2. Combine water and remaining contents of jar into sauce pan. Bring to a boil and boil 10-12 minutes. Stir in tomatoes, spinach, and bacon. Reduce heat and simmer 10-12 minutes or until pasta is tender. Serve with Parmesan cheese.


Makes 4-5 servings

For a variation, use fresh spinach. I didn't use the bacon, and it was still awesome! As you can see, I also used Penne pasta, and it was great!
















The finished product!

Jar #2! Home-Style Chicken and Rice Soup Mix:




For the JAR:











The recipe that you attach TO the jar:




1 jar Home-Style Chicken & Rice Soup Mix
6-7 cups water
1 can (8 oz) tomato sauce
2 cups cubed cooked chicken
salt and pepper

1. Combine contents of jar, water and tomato sauce in Dutch oven. Bring to a boil over high heat. Cover; reduce heat and simmer 1 hour or until rice is tender.

2. Stir in chicken. Cook over low heat 10-15 minutes or until chicken is heated through. Remove and discard bay leaf. Season with salt and pepper to taste.

Makes 10 - 12 servings.


My only caution on the Chicken and Rice Soup...it uses a PINT jar instead of a QUART jar! I had my quart jars all lined up and was tossing ingredients in like a mad woman and then when I finished I couldn't figure out why the chicken and rice soup jars were not full, and the other was was to the top. DUH...pint jar, blondie! So, I had to get some pint jars and transfer, and it's all good.





Have fun...like I said, we tried both soups and I was really impressed at the flavor with both of them. Jeff liked the chicken and rice soup a lot. He isn't a big fan of pasta or spinach, so he didn't even taste that one, but I REALLY liked it!